Let’s pretend that you’re home alone, it’s late at night, and you can’t sleep so you decide to watch TV.
You start flipping through channels and you see one infomercial after another. On and on it goes, until finally you can guess what the host or narrator is going to say before they say it:
“….But wait, there’s more….”
“Operators standing by!”
“Not available in stores.”
“Money back guaranteed!”
But my favorite part has to be the visual of someone throwing out an entire drawer of items and then replacing the contents with the single item that they’re selling. I absolutely love that part. It’s a really powerful visual. So it got me thinking. What is the one thing that someone would need in order to defend themselves? Just one thing. What would it be?
So I started to go through everything that I could think of. A gun? Maybe a knife? How about a bat? Or how about just using my car keys? They’re always on me and relatively accessible at any given time.
Well, I’m not a big fan of weapons. Not that I think they aren’t necessary, practical or efficient, I’m just not a guy who likes to rely on items.
So how about technique? I love good technique. I love watching someone perform good technique. I love learning good technique, and there’s a strong rumour going around stating that I’m actually starting to get pretty good at them.
Great!! I found the answer!! The one thing that anyone needs to defend themselves is good technique!!
Oh, wait a second………..WHICH technique?? Arm bar? Shoulder lock? Wrist lock? Yep. Wrist lock. that’s it. That was easy. I love wrist locks. They are my third favorite thing in the world. So the one technique that everyone needs to know in order to defend themselves is a wrist lock.
Well………..what if I’m attacked from behind? What if my hands are full? What if I’m sitting in a car?
Oh, this was starting to get way too complicated. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find that one technique or weapon that I could use universally. There was always some legitimate reason or situation that whatever I chose wouldn’t work.
So I thought about it some more, and more, and yet even more. And I couldn’t figure it out. There HAD to be something. But what??
It’s a riddle. No, it’s a mystery. No, no, it’s an enigma. OMG, it’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma!! It was a good thing that I don’t have any hair as I would have ripped all of it out.
Finally defeated, I decided that the only thing left to do is to allow myself an honorable death. This etymology (yes, that is actually a word. Google it) was my undoing.
So during my preparation for Hari Kari I asked myself why I was willing to allow this obsession to go so far. Why???
And then, the skies opened, the clouds parted, and a blinding light shone down upon me and then I heard Morgan Freeman’s voice. “You have found the answer my son.”
If you want to be able to properly defend yourself you only need one thing. That is the willingness to do so.
Are you willing to inflict enough pain and/or punishment on another human being or animal to be able to keep yourself or a loved one (or even a stranger if need be) safe?
If you are, then all that’s left is an education in how or what to do.
If you’re not, then you might just find out if God also looks like Morgan Freeman.